


Lovely Pain

by Raven_Fay



Series: Nct Omegaverse [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha Dong Si Cheng | WinWin, Alpha Moon Taeil, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Nakamoto Yuta, M/M, Multi, Oblivious Dong Si Cheng | WinWin, Oblivious Moon Taeil, Sad Yuta
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2019-10-15 15:35:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17531447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven_Fay/pseuds/Raven_Fay
Summary: My heart ached and I wrapped my arms around myself.To prevent myself from reaching out.From trying one more time when it was useless all along.From trying to show them how much I loved them.Showing so desperately that I wanted to be their mate.That I wanted to be loved.I tried many times.Too many times to be honest.As a beta trying to attract not one but two alphas was almost impossible.Almost.At least that was what I told myself over and over again.How pathetic I am.To believe that it really was possible.





	1. Reality can he harsh

Silently, I sat on the couch.  
Winwin and Taeil were standing three feet away.  
Laughing happily at each others jokes.  
I don't know if they knew that I was there too.  
Probably not.  
They were too occupied with one another.  
Of course they were.  
They were mates at all.  
Not officially yet but that was only a matter of time.  
My heart ached and I wrapped my arms around myself.  
To prevent myself from reaching out.  
From trying one more time when it was useless all along.  
From trying to show them how much I loved them.  
Showing so desperately that I wanted to be their mate.  
That I wanted to be loved.  
I tried many times.  
Too many times to be honest.  
As a beta trying to attract not one but two alphas was almost impossible.  
Almost.  
At least that was what I told myself over and over again.  
How pathetic I am.  
To believe that it really was possible.  
I snorted at my own stupidity.  
Why would they love me when they already have each other?  
My mother always had told me that as a beta your chance to get mated was very low.  
Lower than the chances of omegas and alphas since they were special.  
I sighed and rubbed over the place where my heart was.  
It hurt.  
It hurt so bad.  
Why can't I just stop loving them?  
Why can't it be easy just once?  
Why do I always have to take the hard way?  
Why?  
I sighed again.  
I was so tired of rejection.  
Can't they show affection just once?  
Do I ask for too much?  
All I want is a hug or a nice word without any cameras recording us.  
Without us having to show our best behavior because we will be judged.  
Without them needing to act.  
Do I ask for too much?  
Probably. 

I stared blankly into the air, a bitter smile on my lips.  
I didn't notice that the others were coming.  
Didn't notice the worried glances towards me.  
"Yuta?"  
I slowly turned my head and blinked.  
Taeyong was standing in front of me looking very worried.  
"Is everything alright?"  
I saw that everyone else was looking at me too.  
Faking a smile I nodded.  
"Of course. I'm just a bit tired. Don't worry"  
Taeyong frowned knowing that the smile was fake and that I wasn't alright at all.  
They all knew about my crush on Sicheng and Taeil.  
They had always supported me and had given me hope every time my affection got rejected.  
Everyone knew how hard I tried and how hard I fell for the alpha couple.  
Everyone but Sicheng and Taeil.  
Unconsciously, the bitter smile returned on my lips.  
I didn't saw how Ten glanced at Winwin and Taeil.  
I was already staring blankly in the air again.  
"Yuta!"  
I flinched and looked up.  
One of our managers was standing next to me.  
When did he arrive?  
When did Taeyong and the others sit down?  
"I asked if you don't feel well."  
Our managers were frowning at me.  
"Yes....of course. I'm just tired."  
"Tired? You stood up two hours ago and you're already tired again?" Another manager asked.  
I shrugged and nodded.  
"Are you running a fever or something?"  
"No. I'm just tired"  
"He didn't eat anything this morning as well as yesterday" Mark suddenly mentioned.  
"What?!"  
"I was tired so I fell asleep yesterday. And this morning I wasn't really hungry so I ate just a bit. But I didn't eat nothing." I defended myself.  
"You ate too little." Mark answered.  
"I will eat more later."  
Mark nodded but seemed to be still unhappy.  
"Alright then. Today we will film a broadcast and a live stream. You know what we expect from you."  
We stood up to leave when Taeil stopped us.  
He waited a moment for the managers to leave.  
"Winwin and I wanted to tell you guys that we plan to officially become mates." He announced smiling.  
I froze.  
"Congratulations, who is the lucky one you two want to mate with?"  
The alpha couple looked at Ten confused.  
"Why would we mate with another person? We already have each other."  
My heart exploded into millions of pieces.  
"Ah and Yuta, we need to ask you to stop clinging at us. We know that you're a very affectionate person but it's just inappropriate."  
My eyes started to burn.  
I digged my nails into my hand palm to suppress the tears.  
They are happy.  
They don't need me.  
They don't want me.  
Why would they?  
I'm just a beta at all.  
Normal, boring and annoying.  
"Yes, of course. I'm sorry I bothered you for so long." I somehow managed to answer.  
"We really don't want to hurt you. You're a great friend of us but it's just a bit weird, you know?" Winwin asked softly.  
I couldn't breath properly.  
All I could do was to fake a smile and nod.  
They were relieved.  
Relieved because I wouldn't annoy they with my touch, my affection anymore.  
They were glad because I wouldn't bother them anymore.  
At that point I realized that I never had a chance.  
And it hurt even more than before.


	2. You're not alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DoYongJae are coming to help Yuta.

They left and I followed.  
Of course, I had to sit in the same car like them.  
I was seated in the back row.  
Winwin and Taeil next to me being all lovey dovey.  
What did I do to deserve this torture?  
Since they were kissing and touching each other their scent was strong.  
I always enjoyed smelling them but now it was nothing but suffocating.  
"Yuta are sure that everything is alright?  
You are so silent" Our nct 127 manager, who was driving, asked concerned.  
Before I could answer Taeil interfered.  
"You worry to much. He's probably just thinking about the broadcast."  
Our manager nodded but seemed sceptical.  
The others weren't there yet when we arrived.  
"Seems like they got stuck in traffic. I will go and talk to the PD. Be careful if you stay outside. It's very slippery."  
I just nodded.  
While Winwin and Taeil were flirting heavily I awkwardly looked around.  
Jealousy was making it hard not to stare at them.  
Why can't I just stop loving them?  
It would be so much easier not to feel like they are stabbing my heart everytime they kiss each other.  
Would they notice me if I wasn't a beta?  
Would they love me if I was an omega?  
Or is it because of my personality?  
Is it because of my looks?  
My eyes started to fill with tears. Suddenly I noticed that I couldn't hear them anymore and looked up.  
I was alone on the parking lot.  
They had left.  
They forgot me.  
Did they even notice that I was there all the time?  
I bit down on my lip hard.  
Do I disgust you two so much?  
Do you hate me that much?  
The thoughts hurt so much.  
I couldn't breath.  
A broken sob left my lips.  
Tears were rolling down my cheeks.  
Stop it.  
Please, just make it stop.  
It just hurts.  
It hurts so bad.  
So bad.  
No, focus Yuta.  
You are a professional.  
There's no time to cry and to show weakness.  
Someone could see you.  
I hastily rubbed the tears of my face with my sweater paws and took a deep breath.  
A professional, right.  
With a fake smile on my lips I made my to the entrance.  
I was chanting 'you're a professional and professional people don't cry' inside of my head.  
Of course I had to slip.  
And of course, I had to hit my head.  
I groaned and slowly sat up  
I felt something warm on my cheek and automatically touched it with my fingers.  
They were red.  
Great now I'm bleeding too.  
Angrily I bit down on my lip and tasted blood.  
Cursing, I got up.  
"Yuta! Are you alright?"  
I turned around and saw Taeyong running towards me.  
"I'm fine"  
"Are you sure? You're bleeding! Where are Taeil and Winwin? Are they getting help?"  
I scoffed.  
"Of course not. Why would they? They forgot me and left."  
Taeyong sighed and looked at me with sadness.  
"Oh Yuta"  
"Why can't the love me, Taeyongie? Why?  
Am I too ugly? Am I too much of a bother?" I asked desperately.  
"I don't know, Yuta. I don't know. It pains me so much that you suffer. I wish I could take the pain away from you" He answered with a pained expression.  
"They didn't even think about me being in love with them. Didn't you see how desperate they were for me to leave them alone?"  
Taeyong hugged me tightly.  
"Maybe they just don't know how to appreciate your affection because you never stopped being affectionate towards them. Maybe they will miss it if you stop being around them all time"  
"Would it be fine if I cling to you then?  
Or would I anger Jaehyun and Doyoung?”  
He smiled at me.  
“Of course not. They are very worried about you. Just like everyone else.”  
“Everyone but the ones I love” I added bitterly.  
“Come on, let's go inside and patch you up.”  
He took my hand and we entered the building.  
We took the elevator and arrived at the room were we would prepare for the broadcast.  
Winwin and Taeil were sitting on a couch.  
They were still flirting and kissing and didn't notice us.  
Taeyong's grip tightened but he didn't say anything and just seated me on a chair next to them.  
A stuff member came to us with some medical stuff to patch me up but Taeyong insisted on doing it by himself.  
The girl smiled at us and winked.  
“You are a cute couple”  
Taeyong simply smiled back and thanked her for the compliment.  
I followed Taeyong's instructions and sat still while he patched me up carefully.  
He was overdoing it.  
Being all sweet and caring but I didn't care.  
It felt nice to be the one to receive some love.  
When he finished he pulled me with him on a couch and cuddled me.  
I smiled happily and hugged him tightly.  
Soon the others arrived and Jaehyun and Doyoung simply squeezed themselves on our couch too.  
It was very warm and cramped but it felt nice.  
It felt nice to be loved.  
Doyoung, who was sitting next to me, pulled me a bit closer and rested his head on my shoulder while hugging me.  
They probably already knew about Taeyong's plan since they were mates.  
Nobody mentioned it and just smiled at me.  
“Are you thinking about making Yuta your mate?” Lucas teased with a glance at Winwin and Taeil.  
“Why not he's would fit in perfectly and he is a very sweet person.” Jaehyun answered smiling.  
“We decided to do the live stream first.” The manager of the dreamies announced.  
Since he didn't ask us to move away, we stayed like this but sat up.  
The others were placed on the ground or on chairs around us.  
From my position I could see Winwin and Taeil.  
Taeyong started the live stream and we had a good time with answering questions or teasing each other.  
Suddenly, Doyoung nudged me and showed me his phone screen.  
He was pointing at one specific comment of a fan.  
‘OMG guys look!! Yuta is cuddling with DoYongJae! That's so cute!! New OTP!!!’  
He looked at me and I nodded.  
I didn't care if he read it out loud.  
He did and I dared to glance at Winwin and Taeil.  
Their expression was unreadable.  
Are they relieved?  
Are they jealous?  
Frustrated, I bit down on my thumb.  
Doyoung pulled my hand away.  
“Don't do that.”  
“We taste much better than your thumb” Jaehyun added.  
Jeno choked.  
“Hyung!”


	3. Plot twist and hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot happens. Quite a lot.

“What?“ Jaehyun answered innocently.   
“You already have two mates, calm your thirsty ass down.” Johnny teased him playfully.   
And so they teased each other a few times while, from time to time, someone read a comment about me being close to Taeyong and his mates.   
“To me it doesn't matter if Yuta is dating DoYongJae or WinTae as long as he's happy. He doesn't seem to do well in the last few months and I really hope he will get better soon. And please don't joke about him being a beta. As a beta myself it's really hurtful to always get to hear that we will never mate because we're normal and boring. Yuta is one of the greatest people I know. He is sweet, caring and very loving. He deserves to be loved just like everyone else does.”  
I had been silent most of the time but at that comment I just needed to say something.   
“I'm glad to hear that you think so. I appreciate your worry even though there's no need to worry. Your support makes me feel better and I wish you a great life. As a beta everyone tells you that there is no need to actually work hard since you will never achieve something. That as a beta you will never be as successful as an alpha and you should be thankful. I hope you will be able to achieve whatever you want to.”  
A moment of silence.   
“Thank you so much, oppa! Let's work hard and never give up!”  
I smiled and nodded.   
“What a nice person!” Ten mentioned and the others nodded.   
“It's truly a blessing to have such understanding fans” Johnny added.   
Shortly after, we decided to end the life stream.   
We wished our nctzens a great day.   
We had a short break and I thought about that fan's comment.   
Never give up, hm?   
That's easily said but how can I not give up?   
I sighed, feeling tired all of the sudden.   
“I will go for a walk.”  
“Alright”   
I took my jacket and left.   
When I was wandering around the building a young girl walked towards me.   
“Excuse me, are you Yuta from Nct?”  
I hesitated but nodded eventually.   
“Yes, can I help you?”  
The foreign looking girl smiled softly.   
“No but I can help you”   
I frowned.   
“With what?”  
She didn't answer and only walked closer.   
All of the sudden, she injected me something in the neck.   
I gasped and immediately pushed her away.   
A wave of pain hit me and my knees hit the ground.   
My vision blurred and before everything went black I heard her voice again.   
“Don't worry, Yuta oppa. They only needed a subtle push in the right direction. Now you will receive the love you deserve. Now, they won't be able to resist you.”

I felt like I was floating in darkness.   
My body felt light.   
Where am I?   
What happened?   
‘Do not worry Yuta,everything will be alright’  
Who are you?   
‘Me? I am you.’  
You are me?  
‘Yes. I always was here’  
How comes I don't know you then?   
‘I was blocked, suppressed by something your parents injected you”  
What are you talking about?   
What did they inject me and why?   
‘You probably can't remember but you originally presented as an omega. Your parents were worried about your safety and that couldn't fulfill your dreams. So, they injected you suppressants so that you can live as a beta.’  
But wouldn't anyone notice something like that l?   
‘Your doctor swore to never tell the truth and nobody else knew what you were.’  
You said you were blocked so obviously now you're not.  
Why is that?   
‘Someone realized and came to help you. Don't you remember the foreign girl?’  
She injected me something that freed you but… how did she know?   
‘I don't know. She must have seen hints about it or something. Any way, I'm going to synchronize us so that we will be one again.’  
Suddenly I felt cold but warm at the same time.   
Electricity ran through my veins.   
And then, I felt like a lost part of myself finally was back.   
I felt complete. 

The first thing I noticed were a mix of voices.   
Familiar voices.   
I took a deep breath and immediately was hit with all kinds of scents.   
It was overwhelming to suddenly have the abilities of an omega.   
It made me realize just how weak the senses of a beta are in comparison to the senses of an omega.   
“How is it possible that he all of the sudden is an omega? That's impossible!!” One of our managers shouted.   
“The japanese society does not tolerate male omegas. They believe that only girls should be omegas since they can get pregnant and that male omegas are unnatural and disgusting. If a boy presents as an omega his parents immediately call a doctor who injects the child something that suppresses his second gender and makes him a beta. It's a common method” A foreign person answered, probably a doctor.   
“But that's awful!” Chenle said.   
“How can you think of an omega as disgusting” Johnny muttered.   
“Male omegas are precious and well protected here. I can't understand why people would suppress their child's second gender…” Doyoung sighed.   
I opened my eyes and immediately closed them.   
My eyes were burning.   
Why is it so bright?!   
My poor eyes!   
“Seems like he is awake.”  
I blinked a few times.   
The doctor, a man in his late sixties, was looking at me.   
“Hello Yuta, how do you feel?”  
“Weird”  
“You are probably overwhelmed because your senses are now sharper. Don't worry, you will get used to it quickly”   
I nodded.   
“He doesn't seem surprised at all.” Kun stated.   
“His second gender probably had a talk with him when he was unconscious. That happens when it is suppressed for a long time and needs a moment to synchronize with the soul.”  
I ignored them and focused on the scents instead.   
The doctor was a beta since his scent was weaker and less powerful than the others.   
He faintly smelled like coffee.   
Interesting.   
I was trying to analyze the scents of my members when WinTae stopped next to me.   
Their scent hit me like a train.   
While Winwin's scent reminded me of orange trees, Taeil's scent reminded me of mint chocolate.   
A delicate combination.   
“How are you?” Winwin asked softly.   
I shrugged.   
“I'm fine, I guess”   
“You scared us, you know?”   
Bitter sadness filled my heart.   
“Really?”  
“What do you mean?” Taeil asked, slightly frowning.   
“Don't act like you care if you don't” Jaehyun suddenly interfered.   
“Of course we care! He is our friend!”  
“Oh sure, that's why you didn't notice that he wasn't feeling well lately.”  
“We were just-”   
“Happy? Drunken of love? Too occupied to notice?”   
They looked at me.   
“We are sorry, alright? But you need to understand that we were just so excited that-”  
“I wouldn't bother you anymore with my affection and me being clingy? Yes of course, I understand. Don't worry about it, I will not bother you again.” I interfered again.   
I wanted to cry so badly but I ignored it and got up instead.   
“I know that since you're an idol you need to take suppressants but it would be good if you would spend at least one heat before starting to take them. I highly recommend it because your body needs to find its balance.” The doctor said.   
I nodded and was pulled away by Jaehyun.   
“Don't look back, they are staring” He whispered.   
“Why do they care all of the sudden? Is it just because I'm an omega now?”  
He sighed.   
“I think it's because they realized how important you are to them.”


	4. Maybe.... maybe?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun is trying to help but Sicheng and Taeil make the situation worse.

I blinked a few times.   
The doctor, a man in his late sixties, was looking at me.   
“Hello Yuta, how do you feel?”  
“Weird”  
“You are probably overwhelmed because your senses are now sharper. Don't worry, you will get used to it quickly”   
I nodded.   
“He doesn't seem surprised at all.” Kun stated.   
“His second gender probably had a talk with him when he was unconscious. That happens when it is suppressed for a long time and needs a moment to synchronize with the soul.”  
I ignored them and focused on the scents instead.   
The doctor was a beta since his scent was weaker and less powerful than the others.   
He faintly smelled like coffee.   
Interesting.   
I was trying to analyze the scents of my members when WinTae stopped next to me.   
Their scent hit me like a train.   
While Winwin's scent reminded me of orange trees, Taeil's scent reminded me of mint chocolate.   
A delicate combination.   
“How are you?” Winwin asked softly.   
I shrugged.   
“I'm fine, I guess”   
“You scared us, you know?”   
Bitter sadness filled my heart.   
“Really?”  
“What do you mean?” Taeil asked, slightly frowning.   
“Don't act like you care if you don't” Jaehyun suddenly interfered.   
“Of course we care! He is our friend!”  
“Oh sure, that's why you didn't notice that he wasn't feeling well lately.”  
“We were just-”   
“Happy? Drunken of love? Too occupied to notice?”   
They looked at me.   
“We are sorry, alright? But you need to understand that we were just so excited that-”  
“I wouldn't bother you anymore with my affection and me being clingy? Yes of course, I understand. Don't worry about it, I will not bother you again.” I interfered again.   
I wanted to cry so badly but I ignored it and got up instead.   
“I know that since you're an idol you need to take suppressants but it would be good if you would spend at least one heat before starting to take them. I highly recommend it because your body needs to find its balance.” The doctor said.   
I nodded and was pulled away by Jaehyun.   
“Don't look back, they are staring” He whispered.   
“Why do they care all of the sudden? Is it just because I'm an omega now?”  
He sighed.   
“I think it's because they realized how important you are to them.”  
I scoffed and he patted my shoulder encouragingly.   
“I know you're tired of always being the one getting hurt but please don't give up. You got a new chance and I believe that they won't disappoint you this time.“  
I stayed silent but decided to trust Jaehyun.   
The alpha was good at predicting the behavior of others.   
“Why are you and your mates helping me? Why do you believe that I have a chance?”  
“We noticed that whenever you are showing affection to someone else but them they glare at that person. They immediately try to get your attention even though they probably don't notice what they are doing.”  
I hummed thoughtful and a tiny bit of hope warmed my heart.   
“I hope you're right…”  
“I hope so too. You deserve being loved and pempered so Much, Yuta.” He answered softly and I smiled at him.   
“I'm lucky to have friends like you and your mates. Even when I will realize that I will not have a chance it still feels nice to feel loved once in a while”  
Jaehyun pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly.   
“Everything will be alright. Taeyong, Doyoung and I will always be there for you. Don't hesitate to talk to us or show affection, alright? We love you, Yuta. You're very important to us. Don't forget that”  
I silently hugged him and breathed in his familiar scent.   
He smelled like a mixture of his, Doyoung's and Taeyong's scent which wasn't a surprise.   
They were mates after all.   
It was natural to smell like your mates and the more time goes by the stronger it gets.   
His scent calmed me down.   
He smelled like family and I knew I was safe when I was with him.   
I heard foot steps and after a moment I was able to recognize Winwin's and Taeil's scent.   
Jaehyun's grip around me tightened and he slightly moved to the side.   
I couldn't see anything since I was pressed against his chest.   
He had probably moved into a defensive position where he could easily protect me.   
It was a natural behavior for an alpha who was confronted with two other alphas while being with an omega.   
Especially, since he probably thought of me as a close family member.   
The thought warmed my heart and made me smile.   
“Would you at least move out of the way while scenting him?” I heard Taeil asking.   
Jaehyun moved again, rubbing his cheek lightly against my head.   
A provocation, he was testing the waters.   
I heard a low growl and my heart jumped in hope and curiosity.   
Maybe they want me now.   
Maybe they just realized it now like Jaehyun said.  
“Dont you think that it's extremely selfish to make Yuta believe that you and your mates want him? You shouldn't play with him like that. What if he meets someone who wants to be his mate but thinks he or she has no chance? You are taking his chance to ever meet someone who want him.”


	5. So much more pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuta is hurt once again and the others try to help.

My heart shattered once again when I heard Winwin's words.   
Tears burned on my eyes and pressed my eyes shut tightly.   
This is a fucking nightmare!   
Why can't they just stop?   
Why?!   
“Stop making him hope that you and your mates actually do love and want him” Taeil added.   
I knew that they didn't mean to be rude or to insult me but their words stabbed me right into my already broken heart.   
They didn't mean that nobody will be able to love or want me but I was too tired of trying to understand what they truly want to say.   
I was so tired and it hurt so fucking bad.   
It was enough.   
I had reached my breaking point.   
“Why are you so mean?! Why do you always need to hurt me?!” I choked out and pulled away from Jaehyun.   
They furrowed their brows.   
“What are you talking about? We are trying to protect you. You are like a brother to us after all” Taeil answered confused.   
I felt like he had ripped my heart out of my chest, thrown on the floor and was now stomping on it to make it as painful as possible.   
Tears rolled down my cheeks but I didn't care.   
I simply didn't have the energy to care anymore.   
“You are trying to protect me but are telling me that I shouldn't hope to ever be loved and wanted by someone because it will never happen? It doesn't work that way! I have enough of being hurt by you and Winwin all the time. I can't take it anymore! I am so exhausted of being hurt and pushed away. Just leave me alone already if I annoy you that much that you even asked me to stop showing affection. I am sorry I bothered you so long. It won't happen again just stop hurting me, please. Please. Please, stop.”   
My voice broke to the end of my little speech and I could only whisper the last the few words.   
I could smell how sad and pained Jaehyun was but I got no reaction from the ones I loved so much.   
They just stared blankly at me.   
It didn't matter to them at all.   
I don't mean anything to them.   
I couldn't take it anymore.   
Their silence and expressionless faces were too much for me.   
I backed and started sobbing.   
“I really bothered you with my affection, didn't I? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I fell in love with you” I whimpered pained.   
Jaehyun made an attempt to get closer to me but I backed away.   
It was too much.   
Everything was too much.   
I would lose it completely when he would hug me.   
I already was showing way too much vulnerability I didn't want to look even more weak and pathetic.   
All I could do was to turn around and leave.   
I almost started running as soon I was out of their sight.   
An idol doesn't run away, an idol doesn't show any weakness.   
But I AM weak.   
And an idol, act like one.   
I gritted my teeth and did my best to act like I was happy and untouchable.   
The others were waiting next to the cars and Taeyong immediately started walking towards as soon as he saw me.   
“Where's Jaehyun? What happened?” He asked honestly concerned while wiping away the tears on my cheek.   
“I just--I broke down, Yongie. It was, is, just too much.” I sobbed brokenly.   
Taeyong made a pained sound and hugged me tightly.   
“It will alright. I'm here, you're not alone. It's alright. It's alright” He whispered softly.   
“Yuta? Are you alright?” Johnny asked concerned.   
“He smells like he is in pain.” Chenle whispered.   
“Do you think it has something to do with Winwin and Taeil?” Lucas asked quietly.   
“Probably” Kun muttered.   
They all smelled very worried and I just felt like I failed.   
I failed to be someone who deserves to be loved, failed to be strong.   
I am a bother.  
I cried even harder and the others came closer.   
They tried to calm me down, to help as much as possible but it just wasn't what I needed.   
I needed my mates, the ones my heart wanted so bad but couldn't have.   
The ones that my soul, my whole being, was craving for but who didn't want me.   
“I think it's the best if you talk to a psychologist.” One of our managers announced but I didn't care.   
I didn't bother to answer.   
It didn't matter anyway, right?   
“Don't think negative of you just because of them. You are a great person, hyung” Jisung tried to comfort me slightly awkward.   
“I think it's the best to take him to the dorm.” Ten said and the others agreed.   
“I will wait for Jaehyun, Winwin and Taeil.” Johnny said and Taeyong and Doyoung pulled me away.   
They didn't let go of me.   
When we arrived at our dorm they took me to their room.   
As soon as my body touched the bed they pulled me between them and hugged me.   
They only let go of me to take off their shoes and jackets.   
For a long time, we just laying there in silence.   
“I feel bad for leaving without Jaehyun. You are doing so much for me and I just left him behind” I whispered.


	6. This is what friends are for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuta gets a little help

“It's alright, he understands how you feel. He isn't angry at you, he is angry at the idiots you are in love with” Doyoung answered calmly.   
Again, we laid there in silence.  
“Jaehyun said, that you were so done that you told them the truth” Taeyong whispered.   
“It was stupid and I feel horrible, but I just couldn't take it anymore. It hurt so bad. They said that nobody will ever love me and that you shouldn't play with me because I will think that I have a chance of being loved” I sobbed.   
I hugged myself.   
“Why can't it just stop? Why do they hate me so much?”   
Desperation and pain made it hard to breath.   
Taeyong and Doyoung hugged me and whispered sweet nothings, desperately trying to calm me down and take the pain away.   
But they couldn't.   
They couldn't take away my pain because they weren't my mates.   
All I could do was to cry, to sob and to hold my dear friends as close as possible.   
I remembered how my mom once told me that crying was important and that it would help to take the pain at least a bit away.   
That crying would bring relief.   
But it didn't help with the pain that my loved ones were punishing me with.   
So I cried and cried and cried.   
After what felt like years of crying, I eventually calmed down a bit.   
The pain wasn't as strong as before and I could focus on the others.   
Jeno, Ten, Chenle, Jisung and Kun where laying on the bed too.   
Everyone of them had connected their mind with mine so that they could understand my thoughts and feel my emotions.   
I felt that they were trying to take away as much pain as possible just like Taeyong and Doyoung did.   
It helped and I was grateful.   
“I'm glad we can help” Kun muttered.   
Since most of them were mated their mates were able to help too through the mating bond and I felt the presence of Johnny and Jaehyun too.   
It felt good nit to be alone with my thoughts and feelings.   
It gave me the illusion that I was loved.   
I bit down on my lip when Winwin's and Taeil's words came to my mind again.   
Why?   
Why can't you love for who I am?   
Why can't you just love me too?   
I just want to be loved!   
I just want to give love!   
Why does my affection bother you so much?   
Why…?   
I am sorry for being clingy.   
I am sorry for annoying you.   
Don't leave me alone.   
Don't hate me.   
Please!   
I will leave you two alone but please, I couldn't bear to be hated by you.   
I felt how the others tried to push the negative thoughts away and replace them with positive ones.  
It helped just a bit.   
I need to get out if this.   
I sat up and crawled out of the bed.   
“Yuta please, you need to calm down. You can't think straight.” Ten whispered   
I stayed silent and walked towards the door.   
“I will go with him.” I heard Jeno mutter.   
“Me too” Lucas and Mark added synchronized.   
I waited for a moment so that they could catch up with me and then left.   
We walked down the stairs and I saw Johnny, Jaehyun and the others sitting in the living room.   
They looked up.   
“Where are you going? It's already dark outside.” Johnny mentioned frowning.   
“We want to get a bit fresh air. We won't go far” Jeno answered softly and the alpha nodded.   
“Be careful”   
We left the dorm and the cold air hit me like a truck.   
I shuddered and pulled my jacket tighter.   
“It's pretty fucking cold” Mark murmured.   
“Indeed” I answered.   
We were walking for a while when Lucas broke the silence.   
“Why do you love Winwin and Taeil so much?”  
“Why? Well… First of all, I love how soft and sweet Winwin is and Taeil is so… kind-hearted and caring. I love their smiles and I would do anything for them to be happy. They are just so loving and lovely. As long as they are happy I will accept the pain my one-sided love will give me. I just can't stay away from them. They are addictive.” I answered softly.   
Jeno took my hand and intertwined our fingers.   
“You are such a softie, hyung. I understand how much you love them and how bad you want them to love you. It was the same with me and RenMin until we talked about it and decided to take things slow. But please don't destroy yourself because of your love. It's already taking away your happiness. Please, be careful, hyung” He whispered.   
I nodded and smiled at him.   
“I'm sorry that I'm such a troublemaker. I'm sorry that I worried you.”  
After a while we decided to walk back.   
“Tell us when you need something, ok? We will do our best to help you” Mark said.   
“I don't know if there's anything you can do…”  
“DoYongJae tried to help you by trying to make WinTae jealous, right? Maybe it didn't really work because they are already mated?” Lucas mentioned.   
“You think it would work when Yuta hangs out more with us for an example?” Jeno asked.   
“Yes. Besides, it could help us too. Jungwoo-hyung hangs out with Jaehyun more and ignores me. And Donghyuck and RenMin ignores you guys quite often too, right?”   
“Yeah… So it's a win-win-situation? I don't know if it will work but we can try” Mark answered.   
I shrugged.   
“Let's try it then”  
We arrived at our dorm.   
“It's probably less obvious when we are together as often as possible and when I stay with Yuta since we are roommates.” Lucas mentioned and I nodded.   
“Ok then Mark and I will stay together when we can't meet up with you guys” Jeno said.   
“Right”  
“I think it will be very interesting how our ‘targets’ wil react” Mark muttered and we smiled at each other.


End file.
